The secret to my happiness

Okay, so faith is a big part of my life. And so is gratitude.

I used to suffer from migranes. Lots of them. Approaching daily in the winter. Pain was a part of my life. Chronic pain led to depression, and irritability (HA!). Needless to say, it affected not only my life, but my family's life. The medication I was taking to reduce the number of headaches (Topamax) affected my brain function and word recall. I remember a Primary Orientation Meeting when I was a counselor, that I tried to speak and couldn't finish any thoughts. The president had to take over. It was awful.

After Annabelle was born, I went to a new neurologist. We went over symptoms, frequency and severity and all that. She told me it was possible that my migranes were caused (or made more frequent) by a hole in my heart (called a PFO) that allowed unoxygenated blood to flow through to my brain, bypassing the lungs (which can act as a filter for certain chemicals). So I got in to see the cardiologist and he did a bubble test, where they push bubbles through the blood stream and watch in the heart to see if they are crossing over. I saw it there on the screen. Lots of little bubbles moving from one side of the heart to the next where there were no valves! They can't tell you the size of the hole just from their external visualization methods (can't remember exactly what it was) but they did have a scale of severity, and I was at the very top.

So we scheduled a PFO closure operation (which only involved a stent in one of my arteries and no big cutting, thank goodness!) and I was so excited. Now they tell you that this is not a sure thing. Closing the PFO might have no effect on my migranes at all. But I had faith that this was it.

My patriarchal blessing tells me that I have the faith to be healed, and it counsels me to ask for blessings when I need them. And in my prayers, I asked Heavenly Father to make it work, to let my migranes stop. And Matt gave me a blessing, telling me that the surgery would be successful. The night before my surgery, my prayer changed. I knew that if the doctors could fix this thing, than how much easier Heavenly Father could also. Medical technology was so cool, but how much cooler was Heavenly Father. And I told him that. Sometime before my surgery, Matt was called to be in the bishopric in our ward. I also knew that I couldn't be a good mom to my kids when Matt was gone for long hours, or I had to deal with them alone in church if I was in constant pain. Matt was going to do this thing for God, and I deserved a little compensation! He had promised me healing in my patriarchal blessing, and I wanted it to be Him that healed me, and not just Him through the doctors. And so I asked for a miracle.

I had another blessing the morning of my surgery, and that also changed. His words were that I would be healed by the power of God, and my migranes would diminish, and as a side note, that the surgery would go okay. After the surgery, the doctors came to me, all apologetic, and told me that they couldn't find any hole in my heart. It was as if it had never been there at all. They weren't quite sure what had happened, maybe the test was wrong (but I had seen it with my own eyes!) or maybe I had some strange (unheard of strange) birth defect and they wanted to do lots more tests. But I just smiled, and knew that God loved me and had answered my prayer.

That was in May of '07 and my migranes have gone away. Oh, not completely. I still have the occasional one, but in that intervening time, I could probably count them on my hands. And I had more than 17 in just one month before. Instead of cursing them when they do come, I am so filled with gratitude that they are so rare. Every day is wonderful to me, because I know how bad it could have been. I am a different person. My patience feels endless (compared to before) and I am happy. I'm a better wife, a better mother, and even a better person. I'm able to cherish my children, I hold them in my arms and try to remember it forever.